July 21, 2020

This was one of the hardest things I had to work through in recovery


I couldn’t understand why some days I was hungrier than others.


I treated my body like a man-made machine by neglecting to consider the complexity of humans...the complexity of God-created life. 


There are many factors that contribute to hunger and fullness including but not limited to:

- Increased/decreased activity

- Hormones

- Stress

- Sleep

- Deficiency of a nutrient

- Activity and food from the day before


All of which can be off or abnormal without us realizing. 


For me, these were also accompanied by my body trying to regulate and function normally while recovering from an eating disorder. 


I didn’t want to accept that I needed to eat more than I had planned out or thought to be the “right” amount. 


But this was essential to my recovery. 


I had to acknowledge and respond to hunger and fullness cues despite how desperately I wanted to fight against them (as I had for so long).


Some days (a lot of days), I had to overeat so that my body could re-nourish. I also had to overeat long after re-nourishment occurred so that I could use the uncomfortableness of overeating to adjust for the future since I had eliminated that feeing for so long. 


I had conditioned my body to “thinking” once I ate food, it would be gone soon. So it tried to hold on to as much as it could and was always wanting more. It took a while for that to regulate and for my body to function as though the food that goes in will stay in and fuel my body properly. 


Fluctuations in appetite and hunger levels are completely normal and shouldn’t be a stressor. 


If you’re hungrier one day than normal, receive that as your body simply telling you it needs more food. 


Anxiety around food, hunger, nutrition, etc. is something I’ve prayed about for a long time. Changes made in the way I think and feel have been tremendous and I’m so grateful. It’s 100% possible to have a healthy relationship with these topics so please don’t think it’s unattainable for you. Find someone to talk to and keep putting in the hard, uncomfortable work.

In Christ Alone my hope is found

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